RETURNINGS

I want to go back to what once upon
a time we all called our house,
to go up the old staircase,
to open the doors, the windows.

I want to stay there for a while, a while
listening to that same rain —
I never knew for certain
if it was water or music.

I want to go out on the balconies
where a girl leaned out
to see the swallows arrive
that came back in December.

Maybe I can still find it
my eyes fixed on that time,
with a flame of distances
burning on the small forehead.

I want to cross the tepid patio
of sun and roses and grasshoppers,
to touch the whitewashed walls,
the absent echo of the cages.

Perhaps the doves are still
flying around it,
to show me the way
fading in the shadows.

I want to know if what I look for
is in a dream or in my childhood.
For I am lost and I must find myself,
face and soul, in another place.